Friday, January 23, 2009

Update letter

Ive finally (after 4 months) sent my first update letter. If you havent received it and would like to, please subscribe by sending an e-mail to: telupdates-subscribe@topica.com

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Beating back the cloud of depression

As the song goes, "you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone." In my case, how great the running was in Cameroon compared to here, particularly in Buala. In fact, this weekend I'm back in Honiara escorting my friend Linda to her flight back to the US and finally ran this morning (only the second time this week). I so appreciated being able to run on a road, a real road that is, made of tarmac (or asphalt or whatever you call it where you are).

But it's not the mud and rocks and hills that are keeping me from running in Buala -- they're just the final nail in the coffin that makes me feel tired just thinking about getting out there. I'm not sure if I've just let go of my discipline too much or what, but I know for sure that if I skip one day I'm okay, but if I skip two days, I can feel myself starting to slide down the slippery slope and after that, it takes tremendous effort to get moving. "A body in motion stays in motion and a body at rest stays at rest."

So, I've dumped the plan I had created. I think it was far too ambitious for Buala. I probably could have done it if I was living in Honiara, but not out on the island. Now we are going back to basics -- gotta run at least 30 minutes, at least every other day. I really need to run more than that, but with that as the bottomline, I know I can get out the door and that's the most important thing. We are now in the realm of preserving my mental health. And I just gotta go in the morning even if it's pouring rain because I never go later when I tell myself I am going to (I have only run in the evening two times in my life). I'm always completely wet by the time I get finished anyway, so it's not like the rain is going to do anything to me.

Did I say this before? I'm seriously considering doing a 3-7 day fast. I'm not sure. I think I'll start with one day a week. Trying to figure out which day was difficult when I was trying to work under the running plan I had, but now that I've ditched that, I think I can work that out. Then maybe I'll do 3 days and see how that goes. It has been years since I've done an extended fast and I wonder what it will be like now. I learned a lot about myself and the world and God back then, but things are so different now, most especially me, that I don't really know what to expect. The only expectation I have is that it will do some damage to the conversations in my head that think I will die if I don't eat xxxx amount at certain intervals. Even though I have my own history that proves them wrong, it's 20 year old history, so they have regained the upper hand.

I'll keep you posted. I sure feel better today having run. I can tell you. Nothing like 7 miles to beat back the cloud of depression.